The Thing She Hated Most
by sexyscientist
Summary: Gillian thinks about the experiences she has had with Cal in conjunction with the Lightman Group. Set after Tractor Man.


**Hello everybody! It's been a very long time since I've been on here, but I'm glad to be back :) I was re-watching the first ten episodes in anticipation of the start of the second half of the season when this idea came to my mind. It is set immediately after Tractor Man. Hope you enjoy! Reviews are much appreciated :) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lie to Me, its characters, or any of its themes.**

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Gillian sat on the couch in Cal's office, next to Cal and across from Eli. She swirled her drink and stared off into space as Cal and Eli recounted the events of the day and laughed at all that had occurred.

Gillian didn't understand how they could so easily dismiss the traumatic experience, especially Cal who had put his life on the line in order to save Harold Clark. That was the single thing she hated most about Cal; he was always getting himself into situations which threatened his life. She thought about the past. In all of the years she had worked with Cal, he had managed to get tangled in Terry's mess, get sent to Afghanistan for a case, put himself in front of a potential bomb, be held at gunpoint, and so many other things she had tried desperately to block from her memory. Maybe it was the nature of their jobs. She had after all been attacked by Jenkins and his copycat. As she recalled the experience with Jenkins, she realized while she hated Cal's insistence that he always put himself in impossible predicaments, its roots came from the single thing she loved best about Cal. He refused to place his life before anyone else's. When Cal was held at gunpoint, he had plenty of opportunities to end it by lying to Matheson, but he couldn't do that because he had known Matheson was ready to kill whoever had killed his wife. Cal was also ready to let Matheson kill him before he would let Matheson "talk" with Zancaneli. Today he had been willing to risk his own life to get Harold Clark out of the tractor before he would let the government blow him up as a precautionary measure. Maybe she was overanalyzing all of this. It was just a part of his work. He did all of this because it was a part of his job, but no, that couldn't be it. When she had been attacked by Jenkin's copycat, he told her it wasn't worth it. He didn't mind jeopardizing his own life, but when it came to others, hers in this case particularly, he wasn't willing to make that sacrifice. He was an absolutely selfless man. This is what she loved most about her partner, but it was also the thing she hated most because it put her through so much stress and heartache as she watched from behind the Lightman Group computers. She wished the world could see this Cal, the selfless Cal. Instead, the world tended to see Dr. Lightman as an ass because of his blunt approach to everything. She hoped that someday the world would be able to see through the rough exterior and come to the selfless Cal Lightman she knew and loved, the Cal Lightman who was her very best friend and as many teased her work husband. Suddenly Gillian was jolted out of her thought by Cal's tap on her shoulder.

"Gil, love, are you okay? You haven't said a word since we came back here?" Gillian looked around the office and noticed Loker had already left.

"Yeah, I was just thinking about today. About all of the ridiculous situations you've put yourself in actually" Gillian replied.

"I'm really sorry about all of that, love, about today, about Afghanistan, about Matheson, about it all really." Gillian spotted guilt written all over Cal's face. Reading Cal wasn't usually this easy.

"Don't feel guilty, Cal. I just worry about you because I love you. Cal you are the one thing that has stayed constant in my life lately. You're my best friend, and it's really selfish of me, but I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to you. After Afghanistan, I spent as much time with you at work as possible because I needed to remind myself that you had, indeed, come back alive. I can't imagine losing you." Gillian's voice broke off as tears began welling up in her eyes. Cal reached over and grabbed Gillian's hand as he wiped a tear from her face.

"I don't mean to hurt you, Gil. I just couldn't ever imagine living with myself if some poor bloke had died while I might have been able to do something to prevent it. Yeah it scares me, but I have to do it."

"So I'd be naïve to ask you to scale your life endangering ventures back to say zero?" Gillian inquired as she chuckled nervously through her tears.

"I'd say zero is definitely naïve, but I'll try to avoid it unless absolutely necessary. I love you too, Gillian, and I hate the thought of causing you unnecessary pain." Cal replied as he pulled Gillian into a hug and gave her a peck on the cheek. As Cal held her in his embrace, Gillian's mind drifted to the one lie she had told tonight. Cal was more than her best friend; he was the man she wished she could spend the rest of her life with but couldn't because of their damned line.


End file.
